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<span class="title">Night Light</span>
Written by Giselle Rosales
<span class="smallertext">TW: This game includes descriptions that may be uncomfortable or triggering to people with anxiety and/or depression. If you are struggling with these kinds of thoughts and experiences, please visit or contact [[UCC Services|https://www.studentaffairs.pitt.edu/cc/services/]] (available to any Pitt student), or the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 800-273-8255.
[[TW with spoilers]]
[[Bibliography]]</span>
[[Wake up.]]
You groggily rub your eyes as the bright light from your phone blindingly glares at your face.
<<if visited()==1>>2:46 A.M.<<elseif visited()==2>>3:04 A.M.<<elseif visited()==3>>3:25 A.M.<<elseif visited()==4>>3:49 A.M.<</if>>
Even though you have things to do tomorrow morning, you can't get yourself to fall back asleep. You suppose you should do something in the meantime. You pick up your phone. Do you open <<if hasVisited("Instagram")>>Instagram<<else>>[[Instagram]]<</if>>, <<if hasVisited("Spotify")>>Spotify<<else>>[[Spotify]]<</if>>, or <<if hasVisited("YouTube")>>YouTube<<else>>[[YouTube]]<</if>>?
<<if hasVisited("Instagram") or hasVisited("Spotify") or hasVisited("YouTube")>>It doesn't work. Maybe you can bore yourself to sleep without electronics instead.
You open the blinds at your window and [[look at the sky]].
<</if>>Mindlessly scrolling on social media always passes the time. You figure you'll get sleepy eventually.
The app opens to your main feed. The first post is an old friend of yours. It's been a while since you spoke with them. People often drift apart, you think to yourself.
[[Scroll to next post]]
[[Close app|Wake up.]]
<<set $nostalgia = "social media">>Music might be able to put you to sleep.
The app opens to the main page. The Recently Played section reveals the last playlist you were listening to: 2010s BANGERS. Zero shame. Those hits were truly bangers. Were some of these really released a decade ago? Time has escaped you. You hit shuffle and listen to one.
[[Listen to another song]]
[[Close app|Wake up.]]
<<set $nostalgia = "music">>
Maybe you can get yourself into one of those deep dives on the weird side of YouTube until you fall asleep.
The app opens to the home page, where the algorithm immediately recommends a bunch of Vine compilation videos. You remember the ridiculous comedy people could come up with in just 6 seconds. Ah Vine, one of the best internet eras. RIP.
[[Watch Vine compilation]]
[[Close app|Wake up.]]
<<set $nostalgia = "videos">>The sky tonight is clear. <<if hasVisited("Post a picture")>>You weren't really paying attention to the details when you were taking a picture earlier.<</if>> A few stars sporadically glitter. The silence is loud. On the edge of your bed, you sit still. The glow from the moon shines on the landscape, shines on your bed, your body, your face. You close your eyes. Your mind starts to [[wander]].You feel somewhat empty inside. Maybe it's that <<if $nostalgia is "social media">>being reminded of people you're no longer friends with makes you feel empty<<elseif $nostalgia is "music">>hearing music from your childhood makes you feel like you've grown up too soon<<elseif $nostalgia is "videos">>watching old videos makes you realize how much times has changed<</if>>, or maybe gazing into nothingness makes time feel surreal.
You let out a staggered [[sigh]].The next post is a video of a hamster shoving a carrot into its pouch.
So. Freaking. Adorable.
You pry your eyes away from the lil guy before the urge to adopt one (or several) swoops in.
[[Click on an Instagram story]]
[[Close app|Wake up.]]There's a green ring around someone's Instagram story. Since when were you on their Close Friends list? Well, maybe they have some juicy secrets hiding here...
Oh my god, it's a 3-minute-long video of them pretending they're a YouTube vlogger. Nevermind.
[[Refresh main feed]]
[[Close app|Wake up.]]The page refreshes. The first post on your feed is of a birthday party. Wasn't this person's birthday last week? You look at the upload date. It's from 6 days ago. You miss the times Instagram posts loaded in chronological order.
[[Open profile page]]
[[Close app|Wake up.]]You haven't uploaded anything in weeks. Makes sense, since you don't have much going on in your life. Your bio reads, "<span class="purpletext">Overcome in the moonlight</span>."
[[Post a picture]]
[[Open explore page]]
[[Close app|Wake up.]]You open the Instagram camera and snap a picture of the moon.
<img src="https://live.staticflickr.com/1266/1157751566_0e5a7a1cb2_b.jpg" width="568" height="470" alt="Blurry photograph of the moon in the night sky">
Despite the in-app camera's shitty resolution, you upload the image.
Maybe you'll delete it in the morning, but you like it for now.
[[Open explore page]]
[[Close app|Wake up.]]So many things to look at, so little motivation.
You're not any sleepier than before. You decide to try something else.
[[Close app|Wake up.]]A wave of emotions washes over you. You don't know why, but you can't stop it.
You [[remember|second memory]] when you messed around with your friends on the schoolyard during recess.That makes you [[remember|third memory]] when you visited a friend's house and fell in love with their pet dog and begged your parents to let you have one until they finally caved in, and you came home from the shelter with your new best friend.Which makes you [[realize|life changes]] how long it's been since you had to say goodbye.How quickly life [[changes|moves on]]...
...how quickly life [[moves on|short]]......<<if previous() is "break">>because of<<else>>and<</if>> how <<if visited("short") is 1>>short<<elseif visited("short") is 2>> <span class="redtext">terribly short</span><<elseif visited("short") is 3>><span class="redtext">fucking short</span><</if>> life is, and how much time you've [[wasted|responsibilities]]...
...and how you have <<if visited("short") is 1>>so many<<elseif visited("short") is 2>><span class="redtext">too many</span><<elseif visited("short") is 3>><span class="redtext">too many fucking</span><</if>> responsibilites that each new day [[demands|expectations]]...
...and how people <<if visited("short") is 3>><span class="redtext">always</span><</if>> put <<if visited("short") is 1>>high<<elseif visited("short") is 3>><span class="redtext">unreachable</span><</if>> standards on you, and you're not sure whether you could <<if visited("short") is 1>>live<<elseif visited("short") is 2>><span class="redtext">truly live</span><<elseif visited("short") is 3>><span class="redtext">ever truly live</span><</if>> up to their [[expectations|break]]...
...and how much the pressure makes you feel like at any moment you could shut down, but you push it aside and try to <<if visited("short") is 3>>[[ignore it|can't ignore]]...<<else>>[[ignore it|short]]...<</if>>
<span id="thought">but you can't</span>\
<<timed 5s>><<replace "#thought">>your head fills<</replace>>\
<<next 3.5s>><<replace "#thought">>with spiraling thoughts<</replace>>\
<<next 3.5s>><<replace "#thought">>your chest feels<</replace>>\
<<next 3.5s>><<replace "#thought">>tight and heavy<</replace>>\
<<next 3s>><<replace "#thought">>your body starts to<</replace>>\
<<next 2.5s>><<replace "#thought">>stiffen and your heart<</replace>>\
<<next 2.5s>><<replace "#thought">>rate increases while your<</replace>>\
<<next 2.3s>><<replace "#thought">>fingers go cold and<</replace>>\
<<next 2.3s>><<replace "#thought">>numb you shiver and can't<</replace>>\
<<next 2s>><<replace "#thought">>breathe you need to<</replace>>\
<<next 1.3s>><<replace "#thought">>[[calm down|big red calm down]]<</replace>>\
<</timed>>
<span id="goaway"><span class="fadeOut"><<timed 0.3s>>I <<next>>t <<next>>d <<next>>o <<next>>e <<next>>s <<next>>n <<next>>' <<next>>t <<next>> w <<next>>o <<next>>r <<next>>k <<next>>.<</timed>>
<<timed 5s>>You need to <<if visited()<4>>[[calm down]]<<elseif visited()==4>>calm down<</if>>.<</timed>></span>
</span><<timed 12s>><<replace "#goaway">>
<</replace>>\ <</timed>><<timed 9s>>
Maybe if you...<</timed>>
<<timed 12s>>[[take a deep breath|inhale]]<</timed>><<timed 0.2s>>CALM DOWN <<next>>CALM DOWN <<next>>CALM DOWN <<next>>CALM DOWN <<next>>CALM DOWN <<next>>CALM DOWN <<next>>CALM DOWN <<next>>CALM DOWN <<next>>CALM DOWN <<next>>CALM DOWN <<next>>CALM DOWN <<next>>CALM DOWN <<next>><<goto "calm down">>
<</timed>>
You inhale for <span id="sec">4</span>\
<<timed 1s>><<replace "#sec">>3<</replace>>\
<<next>><<replace "#sec">>2<</replace>>\
<<next>><<replace "#sec">>1<</replace>>\
<</timed>> seconds.
<<timed 4s>><<goto "hold breath">><</timed>>
You hold your breath for <span id="sec">7</span>\
<<timed 1s>><<replace "#sec">>6<</replace>>\
<<next>><<replace "#sec">>5<</replace>>\
<<next>><<replace "#sec">>4<</replace>>\
<<next>><<replace "#sec">>3<</replace>>\
<<next>><<replace "#sec">>2<</replace>>\
<<next>><<replace "#sec">>1<</replace>>\
<</timed>> seconds.
<<timed 7s>><<goto "exhale">><</timed>>
You exhale for <span id="sec">8</span>\
<<timed 1s>><<replace "#sec">>7<</replace>>\
<<next>><<replace "#sec">>6<</replace>>\
<<next>><<replace "#sec">>5<</replace>>\
<<next>><<replace "#sec">>4<</replace>>\
<<next>><<replace "#sec">>3<</replace>>\
<<next>><<replace "#sec">>2<</replace>>\
<<next>><<replace "#sec">>1<</replace>>\
<<next>><<replace "#sec">>0<</replace>>\
<</timed>> seconds.
<<timed 9s>>[[Again?|inhale]]
[[I feel better.]]<</timed>>You feel not great, but better.
And better's better than [[nothing]].You can't fight with yourself. <span class="purpletext">You can't put the past behind you. It's buried in you; it's turned your flesh into its own cupboard.</span> But you can't stay cradled in that corner forever. You feel it eating away at you. You feel it [[watching]] you.You know it is the uncertainty of the future that makes you freeze. But the uncertainty that haunts is also the uncertainty that [[excites]].Maybe it will be a bad day. Maybe it will be a good day. Maybe you won't feel anything. You can't be certain of what tomorrow brings. But you can be certain in [[yourself]].A yawn lets out. You don't dare check the time.
<<timed 4s>>Under the covers, you tell yourself you'll be ready for tomorrow.
<<next>>You let out a staggered sigh, and drift to [[sleep]].<</timed>>END.
<<link "Back to beginning">>
<<script>>
Engine.restart();
<</script>>
<</link>>
You laughed a little too hard, but no worries since no one else is around. You scroll down to look at more recommendations. You recognize the thumbnail of one of them, but you can't pinpoint from where.
[[Click on thumbnail]]
[[Close app|Wake up.]]The following includes details about certain sections and the ending.
There are sections that are meant to simulate sensory overload, panicked feelings, and existential dread. If you are sensitive to thoughts such as "I'm wasting my life" and descriptions of sensory overload / a panic attack, the narrative might negatively affect you.
If you choose to continue playing, there is a section toward the end that utilizes the 4-7-8 breathing exercise for anxiety to encourage readers, and you can repeat this part as many times as you'd like. Of course, you can also always step away from your device and take a break, too (or close the window entirely).
The ending is not a bad ending, it's more neutral but hopeful.
<span class="smallertext">If you are struggling with these kinds of thoughts and experiences, please visit or contact [[UCC Services|https://www.studentaffairs.pitt.edu/cc/services/]] (available to any Pitt student), or the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 800-273-8255.</span>
[[Back to main page|Title page]]The video loads, and you wait in anticipation.
It's an old video from the late 2000s. It begins to play...and you remember watching this when you were younger!
Thirty seconds into the video two unskippable ads appear onscreen, interrupting your reminiscing. You remember when YouTube wasn't all about views, monetization, and sponsorships.
Frustrated, you scroll through more recommendations.
[[Click on a different video]]
[[Close app|Wake up.]]You click on a random video. As it starts to play, you quickly realize it's a mini documentary about a serial killer whose whereabouts are still unknown to this day. Maybe you shouldn't watch this alone in the middle of the night...but then again, it's not like you can fall asleep right now anyway.
[[Continue watching]]
[[Close app|Wake up.]]Maybe that was a mistake. Let's try not to think about it too much.
You watch a video of cats getting jumpscared by cucumbers to distract yourself. Not thinking about murder...just cats and cucumbers.
You're not any sleepier than before. In fact you're more alert now because of the serial kil-the cats, yes, the cats and the cucumbers. You decide to try something else.
[[Close app|Wake up.]]That was so good, maybe one more. You jam out, wondering why radios don't play music like this anymore.
[[One more song]]
[[Close app|Wake up.]]Oh, what the heck, play another! Checking the queue, you notice some of your old favorites coming up.
[[Skip to the truly good stuff]]
[[Close app|Wake up.]]It's been so long since you heard that one, you nearly forgot about it. You remember listening to it all the time back in the day. You add it to one of your playlists to listen to it again later.
You realize you've been dancing the entire time instead of trying to fall asleep. You decide to try something else.
[[Close app|Wake up.]]Bibliography
"night sky moon" by gallizio is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0
This image was resized. No other changes were made to this image.
<span class="purpletext">Rankine, Claudia. Citizen: An American Lyric. London, Penguin, 2015.</span>
[[Back to main page|Title page]]